I wrote this post two weeks back sitting all by myself at a Barista, posting it now. I hope I can be regular with my entries henceforth.
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I have been wanting to update my blog
since the longest time ever. But I have armed myself with a ready list of
excuses which I kept giving myself sub-consciously every time I found some time
to write or a thought crossed my mind.
So here you go, the list of excuses
some silly, some even lame (I am not proud of!!)
- My chipped nails screamed for a manicure & pedicure
- Some emails which managed to get my attention but never made it to my sent box, I replied.
- Cooking
- Sleep
- Marathon calls back home
- Reality TV Melodrama
- Dirty dishes
- Reading
- Socializing
- Laziness
- Work
I did distract myself by reading up on books. Some interesting ones are "The F-Word", before you get any ideas, the 'F' stands for food. It is written by Mita Kapur. She combines delicious everyday recipes along with the passed down from generations culinary delights with witty everyday drama that unfolds in a big household which has many mouths to feed and different palates to please.
Then there was Moth Smoke by Mohsin Hamid and I had left "Inside Apple" mid-way. I resumed reading it again just before the crucial iPhone5 launch.
The past few months have been taxing
work wise and stressful personally. Whenever I starting writing a post it
took me back to my previous post about my grandpa. I dedicated the posts to him and here I am writing him as a tribute. Now he is no more , not a part of the world I am
so used to. I still find it hard to cope up with his loss. I did not mourn his
death as much I would have. I flew back home to be with him at his death bed
for a week.
Hopeful that he will fight back and be hale and hearty as I am used to seeing him all my life. Every moment is well cherished and
will remain etched in my sub-concious forever. What broke me was the look on my
grandma's face, those eyes had a million things to say. I think I was strong
just for her sake. She is a strong lady, put up a brave face for her companion
of 74 years.
Yes!!
that's the number of years they spent with which other. In this day and age
where Kim K's marriage could not sustain even that many number of days. My
grandma gave me reason enough not to mourn his death but celebrate grandpa's
life. He lead such a disciplined, principally righteous and happy life.
He was a gentleman in the true sense
of the word. Kind eyes, warm fleshly hands, fair pale complexion, lean man with a well built frame. As a kid, he used to give us pocket
money whenever we asked him for. It was supposed to be on a weekly basis but he
relented. I think Mohit, my brother seduced him with his puppy face and he used to shell
out more than he wanted to. A soft reprimanding line was the after word in
situations like these but a playful smile used to be a constant as well. Deep
inside he knew that's not going to change us.
Never, ever have a seen him raise his
voice on women and kids. A perfect and doting husband. Girls usually want to
have someone like their dads as their life partner, they usually look for that
kind of qualities (that's what Linda Goodman says about Tauren women and I'm
one!!) But I looked unto my grandpa for the same.
I think today I am finally letting him
go because I know I still can feel him around me like my guardian angel looking
at me from the skies up above and bestowing me with his blessings. When I had
important days at school, college, work or just when I was scared and needed a
reassurance. I used to just go hug him and he used to caress my head,
that's used to take off the weight off me. I miss that touch and his warm
hands.
My only consolation is have his the
photo frame I sent him on his birthday now adorns my drawing room. It faces the
entrance and as soon as I enter or leave the house I see him. I feel his presence around me.
This is a man whose life should be celebrated and cherished and not mourned. So I fight back my tears and let him go. I Love you Dadaji.